حسن الهلالي
04-21-2010, 12:15 PM
The Art of Appraising
Someone (Could be you)
Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".
Someone (Could be you): What? How come 'average'?
Big Boss: Because...err. ..uhh...you lack domain knowledge.
Someone (Could be you): But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.
Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.
Someone (Could be you): What???
Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.
Someone (Could be you): Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.
Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.
Someone (Could be you): Huh? *Confused*
Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.
Someone (Could be you): Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication" , you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?
Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well. .I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.
Someone (Could be you): Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*
Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.
Someone (Could be you): *head spinning*
Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.
Someone (Could be you): Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.
Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.
Someone (Could be you): Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?
Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.
Someone (Could be you): I'll try to understand. Go ahead.
Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding' .
Someone (Could be you): (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?
Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.
Someone (Could be you): What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding' ?
Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!
Someone (Could be you): *faints*
Someone (Could be you)
Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".
Someone (Could be you): What? How come 'average'?
Big Boss: Because...err. ..uhh...you lack domain knowledge.
Someone (Could be you): But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.
Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.
Someone (Could be you): What???
Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.
Someone (Could be you): Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.
Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.
Someone (Could be you): Huh? *Confused*
Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.
Someone (Could be you): Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication" , you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?
Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well. .I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.
Someone (Could be you): Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*
Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.
Someone (Could be you): *head spinning*
Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.
Someone (Could be you): Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.
Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.
Someone (Could be you): Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?
Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.
Someone (Could be you): I'll try to understand. Go ahead.
Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding' .
Someone (Could be you): (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?
Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.
Someone (Could be you): What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding' ?
Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!
Someone (Could be you): *faints*